this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
