I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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