You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
