i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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