Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
