I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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