somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
