Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
