jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am available for nakedness
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
