hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
