you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
