in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
