So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
