Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
