is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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