I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
