I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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