Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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