Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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