I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
