She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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