your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
