Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
