I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
