I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
