we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
