We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just found puke in my bra..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
