good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
