Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
