We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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