we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
