she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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