I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
