Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
