My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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