im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
birth control should be required to get into college
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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