Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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