i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
where are you?
Hypothermia
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Drunk is not a location!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
