Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
