I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
