She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
