i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
