Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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