Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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