Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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