I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
