I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Welp...herpes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
