I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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