tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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