when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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