she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
