Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
