Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
