Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
