first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
